If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
