bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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