i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
