Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Randomize
