Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
