he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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