I met the friendliest cop last night
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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