Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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