i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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