You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
