theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
