She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
