you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We left the knife in your bed.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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