I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
