I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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