worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
