The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
