you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
