Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We got so high we made milksteak
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
