Hey man sorry I got all grabby
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
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