you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got inside last night via doggy door
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
