i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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