Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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