Umm I'm too high to move.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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