my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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