Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
