No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
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