according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
