i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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