Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
