i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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