It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
