I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
barbara walters just said penis...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
