shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
