1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
