CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
