the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
