Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
