you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
