My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
