never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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