why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
