actually, I'm a sock model
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
