He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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