I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
