Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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