you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
