Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
