I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
