Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
