you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
